We get it. It’s not personal for you.
But as for us … ouch!
‘All or nothing’ appraisals are often unfair.
Why? Because inside the belly of such declaratives lives a little beastie. Sour-tempered and self-serving, his job is to strong-arm and wrestle down any dissenting voices.
Especially so, when the peremptory assessment is spoken by an authority figure.
Bang the gavel, men! – let’s rubber stamp that one, NOT PERSONAL. Case closed. Next …?
But hang on. We’ve just signed the petition for a redo.
Unlock that door and turn the lights back on! We’re opening a dialog with those voices who’ve been languishing in the basement.
Here’re a few of the things they want to know about getting up close, but ‘not personal’.
First off, are you telling us that you didn’t know we were impacted by your actions?
Or, that you realized your behavior had affected us, but you had no feelings about it? Ok … maybe a couple of concerns, but you just brushed them aside?
You say it ‘wasn’t personal’. But, what gives?
Were you relating to us so mechanically that we existed only as the objects in your private narrative? To be dominated and controlled without a thought for our interests?
I mean, who are you freaking kidding? Are you really trying to make a case that we had no relationship — you and I — in that moment?
Just so you could scoot your rear-end out of the deal with clean hands and a neatly-pressed conscience?
Sounds like your good ole, standard-issue power play to us.
Nice going. You got ‘er done.
Shut ‘em down again. Dispatched to the back of the bus.
Your career intact, as an undercover manipulator.
But, just so you know. It’s still false that what’s been shoved under the rug isn’t really there.
Are you so entrenched in your view from the mountain top that you haven’t picked up a pair of binoculars to look-see what you’re missing?
High altitude = thin air. Just like your position.
Honestly, folks. There’s a puzzle-piece here that’s hidden in plain view.
Almost ridiculous to point out that the letters in ‘personal’ contain the word ‘person’.
Any time a situation or action affects a person(s), it IS personal.
Nobody’s asking for a mea culpa – merely, that you get that. And respect it. There are other players here with skin in the game.
Hey, try this one on for size. We know you can do it …
“I can see that you were affected by my actions. I didn’t intend to hurt you or cause pain. I am so sorry.”
If you’re still feeling adventurous, you might want to add:
“What can I offer to help make things right? Thank you.”
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.Rumi