Have you ever noticed in the heat of an exchange how your mouth is moving and words are tumbling out — but, scarcely a second later, you’re regretting it big time?
Not only did your sorry-ass delivery not make the conflict better, but Fed Ex-ed it right over into Pissyville — leaving a dust trail of agitated feelings and crappy vibes.
We’ve all been there …
You didn’t know what to say, so you stepped aside and let Reactivity take the podium. Now what?
- You re-up on your position, supersizing your tone of voice and hand gestures – hanging in there for a second round
- You apologize for causing a dustup — stuff your feelings, head home and bust out the chocolate cake
- You throw in the towel for a ‘time out’ — settling yourself down with a cold one, until ready to climb back into a ring of expanded possibilities
Taking these options one at a time, we can probably predict the trajectory for gambit #1. Not much gets handled when broilin’ hot tempers are calling the shots. Anger and aggression are gateway drugs. Inviting more of the same, until somebody hoists up a white flag.
Strategy #2 offers a quickie fix — and a nifty excuse to chow down on some tasties – but has unsustainable consequences. Yep, you’re chill for now, but without closure. You can bet that one neglected little gnome is bound to pop-up outta nowhere and heave a bucket of ice water over your next conversation.
Number 3 takes some guts. Your mission is not to crown a winner or a loser. But rather, unbolt the door to a listening space. You stage the ‘set and setting’ with an intention for peace and understanding.
But even if your oven temp is still too hot to get it cooked just right, there’s another ingredient to consider.
It’s called, the power of thank you.
“What if you said thank you to any insult, judgment or projection? It’s literally a cosmic rule that anything received as a gift will always contain some form of benefit.” *
Thank you does not mean ‘thank you for being a jerk’. It pivots your attention from the other person back to yourself.
Thank you, Life, for presenting a situation that is offering something … even if you don’t yet know what it is.
‘Thank you’ — an expression of gratitude — immediately transforms the energy dynamic. It’s never an invitation to be a recipient of abuse or abdicate your integrity.
It opens the opposite – lifts you completely out of any victim role.
Prepares you to receive the gift for which you are offering thanks in advance.
♪ You didn’t have to love me like you did
But you did, but you did
And I thank you …
Baby got to thank you
Thank you, baby
Thank you ♪
Sam and Dave